Tag Archive | Christmas

Company Christmas Party

20161208_175554The company Christmas party was held this past Sunday. I wasn’t interested in going the past few years, but seeing that I’m in a supervisory role, and I seem to be in good standings, I thought it prudent to go, so I did.

I didn’t know what to expect. I knew there would be food, but other than that, I had no clue. It wasn’t anything special. It was held in the banquet area of a local Mexican restaurant. The food was good, but nothing special. They had a bar, but I didn’t order anything.

My friend V found me sitting at a table, feeling uncomfortable, because I’m not one to socialize. She was dressed nice, casual but nice. For once, she had her hair down. She usual wears a cap and has her hair tied back, but on Sunday her hair was down, no cap. I thought she looked beautiful.

She whispered into my ear that I should have shown up as Stefani so that we could be twins. I laughed at that. She wasn’t the first one to say that. Another coworker hinted that I should back when we were setting up for Black Friday. A third coworker concurred, saying that I should just get it over with.

But I’m not ready for that. Part of me would like to be out, but I’m still holding fast to what’s quickly becoming an open secret, and growing wider all the time. It’s a curious thing, to be sure, to be able to talk about it freely  to people I know. I kept it hidden for decades, so to have my secret broadcast is frightening and exhilarating.

After the party, I took V for drinks in downtown, The 212 Club. I’ve gone there several times as Stefani. This was the first time I went in boy mode. We sat at the bar, griped about work, and enjoyed each other’s company. We shared a few drinks, and then enjoyed the drag show that we didn’t know was going on. I think V noticed I enjoyed watching a few of the girls a little too much. I think she enjoyed me watching them, lol.

I took her home a little later than I had wanted. I had to be at work at 9 on Monday. I drove her home, and we talked a little more. It was a fun night, and I wouldn’t mind repeating it soon. I just can’t help but wonder how much more fun it would have been had I taken the plunge and showed up as Stefani.

Just a thought.

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Christmas, presents, and a New Year’s getaway

20150803_203347I got a kick ass pair of shoes and some silk pantyhose for Christmas! I feel like a lucky girl. All I need now is the opportunity to try them on. I had hoped tonight would be that night. I even bought myself a new dress for the happy occasion. Alas, I had to postpone the festivities.

To be perfectly honest, I could have after work today. I got off at three-thirty. I could have gone back to my friend’s apartment, where I spent the past couple of nights by the way, and dressed up until I needed to come home. The reason I chose not to is because I’ll probably have to spend the weekend with her, again, due to the impending snow storm that’s expected to hit.

I’m okay with that. The last snow storm gave me the chance to dress up several nights in a row, which I loved. I may also take the opportunity to see if I can find some after Christmas specials on clothing, since I’m also taking a trip next weekend. If I can find something I like, within a reasonable price range, I’ll buy myself a few outfits to wear in the hotel, and maybe even to drive around town.

My cousin’s getting married in Corpus Christi the day after New Years, and I already have my hotel booked, a room with a king-sized bed all to myself. I’m making the drive with my parents, who do not know about this aspect of my personality, but since I’m leaving them at my grandmother’s house, who lives a town over from the hotel I booked, I’m reasonably confident that I’ll remain undiscovered. I hope.

I kind of want to find the crossdressing night life there, and mingle with actual people. That’s not to say that my friend isn’t people, she is, but it would be nice to meet people as Stefani, who only know me as Stefani. I’m not going to say I will definitely go out en femme, but it would be nice if I could screw up the courage to do so.

For now, I think I’m going to kick back. Although I work retail, I somehow managed to get the next three days off in a row, which includes Christmas Eve. Do you have any idea how insane that is? And I’m a supervisor! I’m not complaining, and I’m not volunteering to go in.

If I don’t write again before then, Merry Christmas to everybody! Hope you all have a blessed day. May Santa give you all the gifts you desire, and try not to be too naughty, but if you decide to do so, send me some pics!

Christmas Wish

20151213_230212.jpgI wish I had a Christmas party to go to this year, and I’m not talking about my male persona. I, Stefani Lara, would love to go out, rocking a cute Christmas dress, and enjoy a night out with the girls. I would love to drink champagne while nibbling on canapés and living my dream life.

All I want for Christmas this year is a chance to be me. I wish I knew a few more girls like me, ones eager for companionship, ones who could help guide and mentor me. I want to escape the bonds of my own fears and insecurities.

I guess what I’m wanting to find, in this small city, are friends to lean on. I would love to have a place where I could be Stefani and be social. Although I’m an introvert, I would appreciate having girls to socialize with, even if infrequently.

So, ask me what I want for Christmas and this will be close to the answer I will give you. Friends to hang out with, and a safe place where we can be girls. It’s a tall order to be sure, but this is the season for dreams to come true. I mean, a girl can dream, can’t she?

Exhausted

20151126_190640I’m exhausted! It’s been a trying couple of months, to be sure. First I did the whole NaNoWriMo thing last month, on top of work. Retail isn’t friendly towards writers, especially around the holidays. I worked so much overtime in preparation for Black Friday it’s ridiculous. Then the weather turned icy and we didn’t get many shoppers.

Immediately after that, we switched gears and started getting ready for inventory. I’m sorry, but it’s stupid to try an do inventory in the middle of the Christmas holiday season, but there we were all the same. Fortunately, Tuesday was the big day, and while I worked overtime in preparation again, it’s all over, except for Christmas Day!

I managed to steal sometime during the Black Friday weekend for Stefani, but since then I haven’t had the time. I did manage to buy a new outfit this week, a pair of black slacks and a blouse, but I haven’t had the opportunity to get dressed up. Maybe I can steal a few moments this week.

Right now, I’m taking a well deserved day off. I actually had two days off. I go back tomorrow, which is a shame. I would love to have a whole week off just to goof off and rest. I think it’s time to consider taking my vacation soon. I need it!

Soapbox

Yesterday I went to the University choir concert to support my cousin who’s a music major. Afterwards, me and my friend left to grab a bite to eat before heading home. While I was sitting there, I received a message from a friend from Facebook decrying the appearance of Christmas merchandise so early in the year. I agreed with him. It annoys the hell out of me that retailers set up holiday merchandise way too early. Can’t we wait at least until after Halloween to set out Christmas trees and the like?

This friend – who I haven’t met but is a friend of another friend on Facebook, who I haven’t met either but is my real life best friend’s cousin – then asked me if I would be wiling to help him put a petition of Whitehouse.gov demanding that the government make business wait to put out merchandise until later. I declined stating that I don’t believe the government should interfere with businesses. He never responded.

I’ll admit that there are times when I feel that certain things should be illegal, not because they’re inherently evil but because they annoy me. You understand, right? It can be businesses, organizations – political, secular, religious – or other entities you don’t believe in that you want to shut down. It’s all fine and good until someone else wants to shut down the organizations you agree with because the don’t agree with them or because it annoys them. It’s ridiculous!

Honestly, the best governments are the least intrusive. Sure, sometimes they do have to enact legislation to make things equitable, or to keep us safe, or prevent discrimination, but the less they do it, the better. I see them as a necessary evil. We elect people to represent us, and they tend to represent only their bank accounts, so the less power we give those ass-holes, the better off we will be.

I know, I’m a bit anti-government, and if wasn’t for the fact that anarchy is such a bad idea. I’d probably be an anarchist except for the fact that it’s wrong for exactly the opposite reason. How will keep us safe from the other countries or even from our own neighbors who would like nothing more than to revel in lawlessness for there own personal gain. Shit, can’t win for losing!

There are not words of wisdom here, just a rant that is wholly unrelated to my usual posts, but it was something that irked me. I don’t believe in censorship. I don’t believe the government should intrude into the business world, except in a very limited way. I don’t believe they should have a say in our lives. Thanks for listening.

All I want for Christmas….

It’s about time to start getting ready for Midnight Mass, and of course I’ll be posing as “Steve.” I’ll be sitting there, looking at all the girls in their cute skirts and dresses, make-up and hair done up, and I’ll be schlepping along as the guy people think they know. If only…

I wish I could wear something cute to church, nothing overtly sexy, but definitely feminine. I wish I could be part of a family that could accept me for who I am, both religious and blood. There’s nothing but hatred for my kind from the family, and to many in my religion hates the LGBT crowd, unaware that we exist among them.

But I cannot deny neither family for belief. It’s also part of who I am. I have not acceptance as “Steve” or Stefani. I’m the perpetual outsider looking in. 

If there’s one thing I want for Christmas, it’s to be who I am, without fear, without rejection. I want to stand before God as the woman I should have been, instead of the accidental man I was born. Instead, I’ll sit their through the Mass, grimace as I wish others a Merry Christmas, and know that I will not get my holiday’s desire.

But it could be worse. I’m thankful for the blessings I do have. I just have to remember that.