Tag Archive | 2016

2017 and Beyond

20160918_153238If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 40 years of life is that life sucks. I’ve also come to learn that life is a marvelous thing. It’s one or the other, or it’s both. Life is a matter of perspective, and sometimes it’s simply a matter of attitude.

2016 has been both, but my perspective has changed, and so has my attitude. I’m focusing more on the positive, letting go of the negative, and enjoying life all the more for it. I can’t point to a specific moment in time, a decision that changed my whole outlook on life. It was a gradual change, one decision impacting the next, each affecting my mindset until the world no longer seems so ugly. The world hasn’t changed. I have.

I’m happier than I have ever been, partly because I’ve accepted me for me. The one whose acceptance was the hardest to gain was my own, but it was the most important one to win. I learned to love myself, and part of that was due to my friends who have embraced me this past year. I have opened a piece of myself to them, and found them to not only be accepting, but also that they loved me all the more. I couldn’t believe it! I love you all!

So as one year comes to a close, and a new one begins, I want to state that I am at peace with myself, probably for the first time ever. I have gained myself this year, and that’s a gift that many deny themselves, mainly because of how much that costs. I’m still have a long road ahead of me, but the journey doesn’t seem so daunting now. Moreover, I have friends who will stick with me. I count myself as blessed.

My resolutions are simply to live my life more fully, to read and write more, to open myself to the possibility of finding love and companionship, to become a true participant in my own life. I will enjoy the company of my friends, I will share this side of me with more people, and I will embrace the ride, forgetting the ultimate destination, because that’s what life is, a ride.,

So, Happy New Year, and I hope you keep reading. I’ll keep writing. And, if you don’t mind me asking, if you life what you read, please subscribe and share with your friends.



Looking back – 2016

img_20161221_2317061I can’t believe another year has come and gone. It’s amazing just how quickly the years fly by. The older I get, the quicker time seems to pass. It’s not a new phenomena. We all repeat the common refrain this time of year, I can’t believe how fast time flies by!

This past year, I met a fellow crossdresser for dinner for the first time. That was a huge step for me. No one had ever met me as Stefani, except for my two closest friends. I was nervous, but it went well, and we’ve met one other time. I’m still hoping for a third dinner date, *fingers crossed*!

I took my first trip as Stefani this past summer, checking in to a hotel as spending the entire time en femme. We went out, did some shopping, had lunch at an Olive Garden, and went to the museum and the Botanical Gardens. I was so nervous, but I had such a great time. I hoping for more such trips!

This is also the year that I’ve let more people into my secret. I told another woman, one whom I hold in high regard, and honestly have a thing for, and she accepted me. Yay! She’s even met me a couple of times as Stefani, the most recent last week at 212. That was a blast, btw!

Several people know about me, and they seem okay with it. I have people to talk to about this side of me, a side that I kept well hidden for more than two decades. I feel happier than I ever have in my entire life. I’m beginning to feel that it’s okay for me to be me.

As such, I’ve become more confident in myself, and have gone out in public here in town, something I swore I’d never do. I’ve allowed myself to meet people, though I would love to meet a lot more. It’s so freeing to just be me!

I never thought I would change so much in twelve short months I never thought I would ever let anyone know my truest self. I know I still have a long road ahead of me, but I’m glad I’m no longer alone. I can’t wait to see where 2017 takes me. For the first time in my life, I feel happy, and that’s the best thing I can say has ever happened to me.

I wish you all a very Happy 2017, and thanks for reading!


Looking forward to 2016

20151110_192851How’s the new year treating you so far? To be honest, I haven’t really started mine yet. I left for a wedding on New Year’s Day, and I just got back yesterday. Today is my last day off before I head back to work tomorrow morning. One last day to kick back before staring into the soul-sucking void that is my job.

But that doesn’t mean it’s bad. It’s affording me the opportunity to transform by allowing me to buy my clothes and such. The only bad thing is that my job is a little less physical now, and as such, the weight is beginning to creep back on. Yikes!

That’s why I’ve decided to ease into a new lifestyle course. Yes, I’ll be dieting, but I hate the American idea of a diet. It’s not deny everything until you achieve an arbitrary goal, then fall back into old habits, gaining everything back plus some. It’ll have to be a lifetime change, and one that doesn’t completely deny me my guilty pleasures. Just strictly moderates them.

What I want to do is lose inches around my upper body, beginning with my belly but also a little around my chest. I’m too top heavy, which is not surprising. I also need to start exercising, to strengthen and to tone, but not to bulk up. That would defeat the purpose. The exception will be my lower body. I need to work on my legs and butt to help round out my figure a bit.

I’m hoping there will  be a little less of me in the coming months. It scares me because it’s an alien though process for me. I’ve gotten used to eating what I wanted when I wanted. Moderating that will be tough, but I’ve done it before. I swore off sodas beginning New Years 2015, and I haven’t had one since. I miss my Dr. Pepper, I lost a pant size as a result. Amazing what giving up something that’s bad for you can do.

Reflecting on 2015

20151226_194442[1]It’s the setting of one year and the dawn of the next, and as I sit here on my bed and contemplate the year behind me, I can’t help but be in awe of everything that has happened to me in 2015. In all honestly, the changes that brought about my spectacular year began at the end of 2014, specifically the moment I gave myself permission to embrace my true self, and allowed Stefani to come out of this self-imposed exile into oblivion.

The changes that became manifest were not at first apparent, and I didn’t really notice a difference until yesterday while I reflected on where I began the year, and where I end it. There were internal changes, but those small changes sprouted and only once the year began to wane did it bear fruit, in this case an improvement in my employment status.

But what allowed me to move up at work was a wholesale change in temperament. My work ethic didn’t change, but I wasn’t as angry. I was a little more cheerful, and friendly enough that I change my management’s perception of me. I, who had been on the verge of being fired, became one of the store’s valued employees. I became a leader, and I’m working towards becoming a stronger one.

But that’s just a bonus. Work doesn’t motivate me. Money isn’t what drives me. Wealth is a temporary state, one that is lost the moment we draw out last breath. I don’t want to waste my life on something so empty. I want my life to have some meaning, and in my prior state, I was miserable and angry and my gloom infected all those around me.

I transform, you have to realize, the moment I cease to be my male self and emerge as Stefani. It took a few months to reap the benefits of my own acceptance, but as I watch the year wane into history, I know that the past year has been healing for me. Who knows what 2016 has in store for me, but I hope and pray that I will allow myself to grow as a person, and maybe become even more comfortable as a transgender.

It’s only a small thing, really, but denying my true identity sapped my energy and vitality. I lost so much time and in doing so, held myself back. I lost jobs, I lost a wife, I lost me. No more. To all you girls who have accepted yourselves as crossdressers, or transgender, I’m happy for you. To those who maybe are hesitant to define yourselves as such, the moment you let go and allow the truth to come forth, peace will wash over you and things will get better. Maybe not immediately, but soon enough.

I wish you all a very Happy 2016, and I hope you keep on reading. God Bless!