While I’ve been on vacation, I’ve enjoyed some time being Stefani. Most of the time, I stay indoors since that’s that feels natural to me, but I’ve explored a bit. I actually made the drive down to my friend’s house as Stef. Well, most of the way. Her husband doesn’t know about me, and in fact is a bit anti-trans. It’s nauseating, actually.
However, I don’t let that keep me down. I refuse to let people’s bigotry keep me from loving myself for who I am, for what I am. In fact, on Monday, I got dressed up and left the house, drove into the town I lived in for seven years, by the house I lived in and the school that was across the street. I drove into Greenville, the town I worked in for years, lived in for several, and got a bite to eat, by drive through. I even stopped at the gas station, walked out and put gas. Not much, but bold considering I have several friends still living there.
But that’s not the all I did. I drove to Rockwall, walked into my very first store and did a little light shopping. It was nerve-wracking and exhilarating! I know everyone who paid attention to me could tell that I was in fact a crossdresser, and it bothered me to a point, but I also enjoyed the feeling of liberation. No one bothered me, they just stared at me as I walked past. C’est la vie. They couldn’t bring me down.
I bought some nail polish and polish remover, and a wallet to hold my things when I dress up. I left and wanted to go to the book store, but I chickened out. Stepping out once took more out of me than I realized, so I went back to my friend’s house and changed back to “Steve” before anyone got back.
I dressed up yesterday, and I’ll probably dress up one more time tomorrow. Then I’ll have to get back to reality on Sunday and return to work Monday morning. I’m not looking forward to that. I wish I could have a little more time to rest, but I am feeling re-energized by my time away. I wish I had a little more freedom to be myself, but I’ll take what I can get, grateful for any opportunity to be me.