A few related thoughts

11753914_10204790725275108_568390893_nI decided to buy a new wig a few weeks ago, but I haven’t had the chance to try it on. I’m still not ready to go to an actual wig shop and have one fitted, so like I did with my last wig, I bought it online. I was please with my last wig except that it was so long it quickly became unmanageable. It became a rat’s nest in the back and I decided it was best to retire it and buy a new, shorter one.

I’m hoping that I’ll have a chance to dress up on Monday. I didn’t take advantage of my last opportunity to dress up because I just wasn’t up for it. I was a bit lazy and the time needed to transform myself didn’t help. I would have had maybe an hour to enjoy being dressed before having to get undressed. I want a few hours at least. The last time I did become Stefani lasted all day, and it was wonderful.

I’m actually looking forward to dressing up, doing my nails, and just hanging out. I started a diet for 2016, which isn’t much of a diet as it is a change of a sort. I had been in the habit of eating fast food everyday for lunch, and I decided that I needed to start taking my lunch with me instead. I’ve managed to lose a few pounds, but I’m not satisfied. I’m around 190 now. I want to get to at least 170. I’m going to add exercises soon as well.

What I want is to look a little more like Stefani and less like Steven. I understand that I may not pass 100%, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to look as feminine as possible. I think that’s been my problem with motivation lately. I’m not happy with how I look, or how I feel. I look in the mirror and I see a fat middle-aged man staring back. It’s hard to make myself look or feel sexy.

I know I’m the only one who can change that, and I mean to. I put in for a vacation in early March and I’m hoping for at least a couple of quality days as Stefani. A friend in the metroplex wants to take me shopping, and I would love to feel secure enough in myself to confidently go out. I think I’m getting a panic attack just thinking about it!

In all reality, this part of me is that hardest for me to accept. I’ve gotten better in that I acknowledge that Stefani exists and I allow her to come out. I know she’s ready to head outside and become part of the living world, but I’m vain enough to want to look good while doing it.

 

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2 thoughts on “A few related thoughts

  1. Hi Stefani, I think your wig looks great and really suits you. You should also take your friend up on their offer to go out shopping. Enjoy the day to try new clothes, get your nails done and have lunch together. I’m sure you’ll have a fantastic time.

    Like

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