Loving being me

20151122_193216It’s Sunday night, and I’m all dressed up. I wish I had somewhere to go. Instead, I’m playing online, mostly on my phone, flirting with guys who like crossdressers. I may not really be into men, but a part of me enjoys the game, to a point I don’t know if I could ever cross that line. If I did, would I like it? I don’t know.

What do you girls say? I know some crossdressers are into guys, some are not. Some are straight, gay, and bi. I’ve never entertained the idea of an asexual transgender, but the more we learn, the greater the variety of people. I’m still discovering my identity. As old as I am, you’d think I would have me figured out, but alas, no. I keep surprising myself.

Maybe the most honest assessment of myself is that I’m a bi-curious mtf transgender. I always thought it would get easier as I got older. I’m supposed to be a straight male. Isn’t that what normal society says I should be? But I know I’ve never been whatever normal is supposed to be. It took me years to learn to be me, and being me is okay. In fact, I’ve come to terms with my crossdressing. I love me. How about you?

 

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4 thoughts on “Loving being me

  1. I feel more or less the same, inevitably online chat gets a bit playful and flirty. I enjoy a wee bit of that from time to time and have wondered too where it could potentially lead. Your bi-curious assessment rings true with myself so I am relieved that I am not the only one wrestling with these complex feelings. Take care X

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  2. I’m pretty much in the same frame of mind. I love to crossdress and be social, but it’s tough to find others to chat with that aren’t just looking for some kind of bisexual fantasy (and sometimes I do find myself going into that direction). I’d prefer to chat with real women that are into CD’s, but those are quite a rare species. And it would be nice to talk about clothes and other aspects of crossdressing with someone.

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  3. I personally think it’s ok for you to feel these feelings of possibly wanting to go further. As a cis female, I can’t see why it’s ok for a girl to fantasize about kissing another girl, but it’s “gay” or “disgusting” if a guy has the same thoughts. I’ve kissed girls, played with boobs, and no one has ever shamed me for it – it’s “hot” apparently.

    From my experience with my ex who was a CDer, I remember talking to him about what being a CDer really means to him and if it means he’s attracted to men, and he shared pretty much the same feelings as you and others here are having. He talked to other CDers and straight men online not because he was attracted to men, but because they made him feel special, sexy, beautiful – all the attributes that women love having and feeling, and CDers typically dress for those feelings. And if online men are the only source for someone to talk to and compliment you when you’re dressed because you have to hide it from everyone else, you make do. Makes perfect sense. And satin and lace feel awesome.

    Because he had an inclination to wear women’s clothing, he briefly considered if that meant that he was gay, but he LOVED women and knew we wasn’t gay. However, he’d still have feelings of wanting to suck cock – not because he’s attracted to men, or really even wants to suck a “real” cock, but because when you’re in female mode, you want to emanate a female. He would blow my strap-on because it heightened his experience of feeling female and feminine, but that’s the extent he wanted it to go. He still struggled with it because his “female mind” wanted these experiences, but his prideful male side caused guilt and shame after it happened. Unfortunately, that’s a struggle that trans people and CDers face is a mind that may not match their body or other parts of their mind.

    So the feelings you all have may be attributed to wanting to be in a complete feminine role, or maybe you think you’d enjoy being with a real man. Either way, be yourself, and surround yourself with people you can be yourself around. One thing that absolutely kills me to see in life is people living decades in silence and suffering not understanding themselves, and getting married to the wrong person just for society.

    I know that finding a cis girl who understands you is basically impossible, but trust me, we are out there. And if you girls want to suck a dick, by all means, please suck a dick. ❤ It’s no one’s damn business.

    -Ophelia
    https://thoughtswithdildo.wordpress.com

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