The date is set, so to speak. I will be meeting with the woman who found me at work which precipitated this whole crisis. For someone who loathes drama, I seem to have stirred some up! While I don’t take this lightly – and with all the crazies out there, how could I? – this one time I’m taking the calculated risk and meeting with her, during the day time, at a public place. A coffee shop, if you need to know.
I’m not so much nervous and I am anxious. I have a lot of questions and I’m hoping this turns out to be a genuine misunderstanding. There’s a chance that it could be something nefarious, but I don’t think so. The alarms going off in my head tended to be panic as to being discovered, the blame which lies solely upon my shoulders. I was too careless with my information. I need to be more guarded with identifying information. I’ve already expunged the offending identifiers from my blog.
But if this turns out to go in my favor, and I meet a new friend, that doesn’t mean it will turn out well the next time. Crimes are committed everyday, and we girls are targeted solely because we don’t conform to societal norms. I don’t mean to single us out over any other group, but since this is the one I’m in, it’s the one I’m most concerned with. Could I be next? Could I become a victim? Another statistic in some file somewhere, and a warning to others to heed the call of caution?
I hope not. In fact, I pray that I will be fine. I pray that my family will be safe, and that nothing evil comes from this. One of the reasons I steered clear of this lifestyle was preciously for this reason. I didn’t want to be found out. I didn’t want to cause my family any heartaches, any hardships. I didn’t want them to lose a son, a brother, and uncle, and I’m not being entirely selfless, I didn’t want to disappoint or lose them in any way.
The logical thing to do, therefore, is to erase my footprint on the web. I should delete this blog, and all my other social media profiles. I lived in total isolation before, and I can do so again, but I won’t. I need this outlet. As risky as it is, I need a place to vent, a place to talk, a place where I can show off my latest outfit. I’m a blogger, a writer, and this is how I express myself. This is how I deal with things and who I figure things out. It’s my catharsis, as necessary as the oxygen I breath, and the water I drink.
So I’ll continue writing, except I’ll be more cautious with stuff. No more information about work, places I go to, or anything that can tie me to a location. It’s not worth it to be discovered. It’s not worth being injured or killed for. That is what’s at stake.
This one time, I’ll meet her over a cup of coffee, try to figure out motivations, and see what my feeling is afterwards. If I feel that there’s nothing to worry about, I’ll open up some, being cautious about the real personal things. It’s a big leap, to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but the reward may be worth the risk. I just hope the have a scone left.
Wish me luck!