Expecting Miracles

I just bought my first wig. I found one on Amazon the other day, on sale, with a great consumer rating. I’m not expecting angels to sing when I get it in, nor do I expect it to work miracles. It’s only one small piece of the puzzle, one I’m learning to put together to transform myself from an ugly duckling to a swan.

Years ago, when I first started to crossdress, I actually grew out my hair. I loved it, and I didn’t have to worry about my hair. I could curl it sometimes, but most of the time I left it down. I cut it all off about ten years ago, hoping to start to fit in at work and maybe move up the corporate ladder. That worked out great, may I add.

I’ve considered growing it back out, but a nearly forty-year-old man with long hair is looked down upon. In business, he’s not taken seriously. It’s sad, but it’s the truth. There are certain social expectations in regards to gender, appearance, and the like. We can rail against it, but there are norms to consider, and though many are trying to change them, I’m happy to play along, at least to a point.

I don’t feel the need for the world to accommodate itself on my behalf. That, I realize, is partly a function of my personality. I’m best if left to myself, and I am not the type that seeks to change society. All I ask is that I’m given all the respect due to me. That’s it. I know there are those who are incapable of giving that kind of respect, and that’s a shame, but I can only be true to who I am. I’m not a warrior. I’m not a fighter. I’m simply me, an artist trying to realize the truest representation of who I am.

Which brings me back to the beginning, and the wig that’s due to arrive early next week. I hope it doesn’t look too cheap, but it probably will, and that’s okay. I’m not expecting it to last a lifetime, just long enough to get used to the idea of wearing a wig. I’ll have to save up to buy myself a quality wig in the near future, and when I do, I’ll have to find a brick and mortar shop, one that is TG-friendly, to fit one correctly.

Along with that, I need to relearn to do my make-up, build up a wardrobe, and learn to be at ease in my skin. Right now, all I see is a near middle-aged man staring back at me when I try to transform into me. There’s a skill in becoming who I’m supposed to be, an art in transmuting what I am into what I’m supposed to be, and it’s one that I’m working to gain. I hope to have that piece of the puzzle in on Monday. While I profess that I’m not expecting miracles, and I have to admit that I’m praying for one. I really want to be beautiful again, like I once felt I was over ten years ago.

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3 thoughts on “Expecting Miracles

  1. Hey,,,, the little that I have learned so far is: It really comes down to either u-got-it or-? U….Don’t,,, sorry to say it the way I am…… 😦 so….maybe with your wig ? U jus might hav it to passing as a REAL-Looking woman in….public- its really not that easy for….us guys,,, that wants to look like a real woman,,, Unless of course u hav the $ MONEY like Bruce Jenner then-? that’s a whole other level,,, so to speak,,, In the short amount of time that I was able to go….all-out dressed up with a NEW wig that I purchased awhile ago…..I still looked like a ????? hmm-? how can I describe it ??? up close….yeah,,,, u can still tell I looked like a………guy wearing woman’s clothes & a wig I believe it was my face that still gave it away… the man features I,,, at the time….still also was learning how to apply the makeup…the right way…..& well,,,, don’t get me wrong it was…..?? kind of fun/scary too- walking around all dressed up & also still wondering if some 1 was going to say something really mean to me….I did get some……different looks at 1 super market & it was late night & only 1 register that was open & a lot of people…standing on line waiting….&,,, well…I did start to see a whole lot of eyes staring at me…& so….I felt it best to….leave the 1 item that I was going to buy & walk-out….that was…kind of hard on me…..who knows ? maybe if I stuck with learning (more) to applying makeup I would have maybe (blended in)-More-?? I had to really put a stop on my cross dressing because a family member got really sick & too much time had to be with them…. &,,,,, well,,,,, I at the time the little that I bought I felt to get rid of it all….so now I will have to start all over again……but……? who even knows that I will do this any more….I,ll maybe? jus wait to see how my life will end up doing….jus b4 writing this to u I jus so happen 2b on that website suddenlyfem.com now……?? the guys/gurl models on their are:…….very, very, passable looking,,,,like I said….or…in (my) opinion u either got the look or….u just don’t IDK-? all the best* 2u….hope u become happy & u look like how u want 2…..

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  2. Kudos to you for staying true to who you are! I hope you love your new wig; I just did a wig review on my blog, maybe you would be interested in reading it? Realistic wigs don’t have to cost much these days. Here is the link if you’re interested, I’ll be doing more wig reviews in the future! 🙂 http://hairlosophy.wordpress.com

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